To Love At All

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

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Do Open Relationship Work?

You’re in a relationship with someone whom you love and can’t see yourself being without him or her, but sometimes your eye tends to wander. You come to the realization that your mundane routine needs a little spicing up. How do you approach this difficult topic? You can’t just blatantly ask your partner for this type of arrangement; it’s all in the presentation and delivery. You need to gauge your relationship and figure out the best way to broach the topic.

An open relationship needs to be mutual, meaning each person has the ability to engage in mental and/or physical affairs with another person. You can’t declare an open relationship without discussing it with your partner — that is called cheating. There is no black and white when it comes to this arrangement. There are many things that need to be discussed before it can actually begin.

Are there certain nights of the week reserved for your sidepiece? Are weekends off limits? Is it kiss and tell or don’t ask don’t tell? How much time can you spend with the other people? How many other partners can you have at once? As you can see, this agreement brings along a lot of uncertainty.

The pitfall of this type of arrangement is the jealousy factor. It does not matter that both people are allowed to see other people; jealousy sometimes can be unavoidable. It’s natural to become jealous of another person who has your partner’s attention.

Long distance couples are more prone to have this discussion than other types of couples. The distance between two people can and most often does create sexual frustration. To solve this problem, these people may look to other options, which include hooking up with other people, in hopes of preventing a breakup.

So many romances end because one partner cheats, so wouldn’t an open relationship be a smart idea? Of course there will always be those who are 100% monogamous and have no issue staying faithful, but for the rest of the people out there, what’s left for them?

Of course, the argument is if you don’t want to be in a relationship, then don’t be in one. Nothing is black and white and neither is this discussion. Sometimes you will have someone you love and want to be with, but then there are those instances where you need a little variety. If you are upfront and honest with your partner, then are you really doing anything wrong? And, honestly, who cares about anyone’s opinions outside of yours and your partner’s?

Your relationship should be gone about in a manner that satisfies you and if this is what it takes to have a great relationship, then more power to you. When you behave in a way that contradicts tradition, people will always have something to say. It’s important to ignore petty judgments because you don’t need others’ opinions to make you happy.

Everyone is different and therefore has different wants that need to be fulfilled. Through connecting with your sexuality, you discover a sense of self. From there, your awareness can grow. Enlightenment comes through practicing self-awareness. Intimate relationships, regardless if they are monogamous or not, are fueled by a desire to feel complete, alive and sexual.

Be considerate of your partners and always use protection. As we all know, the more partners you have, the higher your risk for contracting an STD is. Safe sex is a requirement, not an option in this situation. It is disrespectful to your partners not to have safe sex and it’s risky for your own health. Condoms reduce the spread of STDs, but only if they are used correctly. Remember these aren’t the only items needed for safe sex.

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10 Biggest Mistakes Made In Relationships

#10 Clinging Too Much
Everyone needs their own personal space. If you love your partner you should trust them enough to give them their space and not try to invade every second of their life. This isn't the case when you're married. Marriage is a blessing and after marriage you and your partner share the same life together. But when you're in a relationship, you can't suddenly take over their life unless it's a mutual decision. Don't make them feel suffocated and don't make them regret the decision of being with you.

#9 Being Jealous Of Each Other
Relationships should never have the element of jealousy involved. You love your partner, you are not supposed to be jealous if they have a better job than you or a better social circle than you. You are supposed to be their strength and make them bigger in life rather than complain about how you can't compete with them. It's not a competition. Your partner will do everything in their power to make you a stronger person and you should do the same.

#8 Listening To Others More Than Your Partner
Bringing a third person in the middle of your relationship won't always end well. If you are facing a problem with your partner and you start asking the world for help it will obviously create a lot of trust issues between you and your partner. Couples Therapy is different, they are trained professionals and their only job is to make things work between you two. But when it comes to friends, everyone will give you their own opinion and it might make your mind think in too many directions which leads to over-thinking. And we all know where over-thinking takes us.

#7 Leaving Arguments Unsolved
We've seen this happen a lot around us and it has happened to us as well. When an argument is left unsolved in the middle, it won't go away. It will keep growing and come out in the form of a huge fight which will eventually lead to break up. Whenever any problem arises, make sure you solve it then and there. If you forgive your partner's mistakes, forget their mistakes and never bring them up in future arguments, it will only mean you never forgave them in the first place.

#6 Taking It Too Easy
Some couples start off amazing and slowly lose the spark they had. It could be because they don't find each other as interesting as they did before, it could be because of someone else being in their mind, it could be because of a lot of reasons but it shouldn't happen in the first place. Keep the romance alive and be the same partner you were when you first fell in love with them. Keep the romance going and make the memories stronger.

#5 A Lot Of Giving And No Getting
I've seen a lot of relationships in which one of the two do as much as they can to make their partner happy while the partner forgets everything they did for them in the middle of every argument and every rocky phase. Relationships are all about give and take. If you don't cherish your partner for all the effort and time they spend on you, they won't be around for too long because someone else will make them feel appreciated. Start giving back, love them the way they love you or even more. Cherish them before it's too late.

#4 Not Letting Go Of The Past
Everyone has a past. It is wise to clear everything up even before getting into a relationship with someone to leave no room for doubts and assumptions later. Don't cling to your partner's past either, the past shouldn't matter to you. You love someone for who they are not the baggage they carry. If you start snooping on them, it will only make you see things you shouldn't have seen in the first place and it will break your partner's trust because it was the past. Live in the present and work for an amazing future.

#3 Assumptions
The word "assumption" actually makes me cringe. It is one of the scariest things to have in a relationship and it leads to nothing but a bad ending to a perfect story. Once you start assuming, you will make a habit of it and you will soon create an entire mountain of assumptions on your partner's shoulders. Stop assuming and start asking if there's anything you have doubts about. Relationships are built on trust, not assumptions. Just because they've made mistakes in the past doesn't mean you just assume they'll do it in the future.

#2 Faking Interests
When you love someone, you love them for who they are. You love each and every little thing they do because that's who they are. You try making them a better person by making their bad habits go away. But it doesn't mean you start pretending to like what they do just to make them smile. Faking your interests in them will only make matters worse for later. Tell them exactly how you feel about them, their social life, their friends, their family, because you don't fake in love if you mean it.

#1 Thinking Of Marriage As The Answer To Everything
Some couples tend to think marriage will end the issues they have brewing up between them. Marriage is one of the biggest moves in life and it changes lives. But it is not wise to take the step before knowing if it will last or not. Some couples tend to fight a lot, on a daily basis, and they think once they're married all of their problems will suddenly vanish. That's not the case, marry ONLY when you're sure of it and not just to save a dying relationship.

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A Small Gesture

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd. "I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends in the tomorrow), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.




My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."

He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!". There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Dang boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys who really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I did and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks, "he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years, your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give him or her. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it’s depth. Never underestimate the power of you actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life.

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8 Ways People Break Their Own Hearts

1. They choose safety instead.
Safe love is comfortable love, but we all know there are greater things. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with choosing safety, I’m just saying you’ll wake up one day realizing you robbed yourself of something extraordinary; something that was right in front of you all along.

2. They avoid the person they really love because they don’t want to get hurt again.
I am of the belief that the greatest loves we experience are the ones who do hurt us, the ones who meant enough that they have the ability to, the ones who uproot us and make us different, or just more ourselves than ever before. I believe that love is transformative, and that shying away from that is one of the greatest ways we sell ourselves short.

3. They close themselves off to the love they deserve.
Sometimes we meet people who are so absolutely wonderful that we can’t help but wonder why they would want anything to do with the likes of some ordinary person like us. But love is not a sport or a competition. There’s no hierarchy and there certainly isn’t any legitimate, but infamously perpetuated concept of “leagues:” the unwritten rules of who can and can’t be together.

4. They forget that the only love that really matters is what we have for ourselves.
Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry I had to go here, but there’s no way I could leave this out. That aforementioned brokenness that usually follows some sweeping passionate ecstatic bit of love is only the result of the fact that we needed someone else to fill us up. Something that, though challenging, we are capable of doing ourselves.

5. They fall into the trap of thinking that there will be nobody else who makes them feel the way that one person did.
When it comes to the bare end of things, the truth is that there are thousands of people in the world that you will be able to love, and whom will love you in return. You just haven’t met them. In fact, you run in circles around each other but stay within your lines, and so they never cross.

6. They get so caught up in the love they have that they neglect all the other wonderful things there are to enjoy.
Nothing should ever be your everything, unless you’re willing to take the risk of that leaving your life and not having anything.

7. They don’t love someone the way they should be loved.
Love is work. It’s dedication and time and commitment and we know these things are difficult in theory but we trick ourselves into believing we can maintain them, until something that honestly threatens them comes along. You are the one who will end up broken when you commit to the good and not the bad, and think that you’ve done the job right.

8. They rather their lives with excuses of why they shouldn’t choose love right now.
Look, people. It’s now or never. Enough with the “should be’s.” Just love who you love, and live on, and I was really close to saying “be yourself” until I realized I was quoting Macklemore. Anyway. The right love will come when you need it to, and it will help you fill the holes you’re worried won’t let you love someone. But the difference is, the right kind of love will help you fill them, it won’t do that for you. Let it, even though it’s scary, and even though you’re unsure. In the future, you’ll look back and realize you became better from the times you tried, and you’re still kicking yourself from the times you didn’t.

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